School mornings sometimes/all the time feel like a broken record. Same questions - what’s for breakfast? What’s for lunch? What’s for dinner? What do I have after school? Same routine - good morning, boys, make a mess of the kitchen and as many rooms as possible, ship them out the door with their walking crew, exhale, put in airpods and clean up said mess, forever debating how the wreckage happens…day after day.
But one day was different. Very different when Elliott erupted and yelled at a decibel our elderly neighbors may have heard.
“LET ME.”
Noted. Got it. Yessir.
Here’s the my problem. I get so annoyed when his devoted friends ring the doorbell only for Elliott to not be ready, yet again. I show that by offering (evidently one too many) passive aggressive comments like “Your friends are going to leave you.” or “I don’t know why they always wait for you. If I were them, I’d ditch you.”
That’s not all. I like to follow up with “I don’t understand why you don’t JUST get ready and then chill.” Really hoping one last jab will be effective.
But wait, there’s more. Often, I’ll involve the friends and say to them, “Why do you keep waiting for him? You should leave him.” Their forced chuckle is beyond awkward thanks to yours truly. Typing that scenario makes me want to roll quickly into some sort of warm cocoon. Ugh.
My almost daily pathetic and ineffective nudges finally pushed Elliott over the edge, resulting in the loudest, extremely effective, “LET ME!”... like he was the one listening to Mel Robbins Let Them Theory and not me.
Do his friends care that they have to wait? No. Does his ready time reflect negatively on me? No. Am I making his friends beyond uncomfortable by asking them that question multiple times? Yes. Are they still getting to school on time? Yes. Is he harming himself or others? No. Then LET HIM, Laura. Let him.
So, dear Elliott, as we enter our 14th year together today, I promise to do my best to Let You. To quote the Parenting with Let Them guide (download for free!), I will….
As much as it kills me, I will let you wear your beyond beat up shoes, even though you have a brand new pair. I will let you express yourself in haircuts (or lack thereof) and worn out clothes. I will let you get ready at your own pace for school and lay off the pass agg comments to your friends. The list could go on and on.
To make sure it’s not a total sh*t show over here, we will continue with our normal rules and household regs, but with Mel’s advice running in the background.
Thank you for unknowingly giving me a supreme real life example of how I can let you. This will only let us have a better relationship. Above all else, I thank you the most for letting me realize the true gift of being a mom - just a mere 5,1110 days ago.
“Let them” isn’t easy!!!