That's a No for Me

Digging deep into why holiday bazaars and sip and shops make my stomach turn.

For the audiophiles:

The holiday bazaars are here and invites populate my inbox. While it feels nice to be included, my truth is, I don't want to go. I almost have a physical reaction to them. That’s a lie. I 100% have a physical reaction. My stomach flips. I may even let out an audible ughhh. I love looking at the curated lists of impressive vendors and picturing the festive environment with lights twinkling and bubbly flowing. Deep down, I want to support the brave small businesses and friend’s shops. However, the second I picture myself there, my stomach flips again, and I don’t like what I see.

Why don’t I want to go? I put pressure on myself to buy things and for whatever buried deep reasons, buying things is not my thing. I feel the need to look a certain way, to wear an interesting outfit or apply more makeup in an attempt to look like not a lot of makeup. I feel awkward and giant. Chit chat drains me. I find I want to drink and eat all the things to numb the discomfort and busy my hands and mouth.

Good grief. That’s a lot of feels wrapped up in a completely optional “fun” event. 

But why? Why all those feels? To begin to unlock the decades old mystery, I took a $29 online enneagram test hoping to shed some light on this emotion overload. (Not so surprisingly, this action completely tracks with my results.)

I’m a type 3…an Achiever. “Achievers are goal-oriented, constantly seeking success and validation, and driven by a need to be admired and to stand out. They deeply fear not meeting their goals or falling short of expectations, especially in public settings.”

That’s me to a T. In my Type 3 mind, attending the event (in a stylish getup, of course) means I need to buy the things and as I stated, I struggle to do this. Attending proactively puts me in a place to create my deepest fear, falling short of an expectation in a very public setting.

I keep reading. “While these fears can challenge a Type 3, they also motivate their pursuit of excellence and personal growth.”

Clearly, that’s me to a T, too. Doing this deep-ish dive on my stomach flips, rather than merely pushing through or even better, ignoring them, has provided new insight into what makes me tick and even more so, stop ticking.

I keep reading and learn that Type 3s need to be careful not to prioritize external validation over intrinsic satisfaction. Noted. Going would be a should and externally fulfilling but history says, I’d leave feeling internally unfulfilled.

So how can I still support the small businesses, friend’s shops and these incredibly talented vendors? (Type 3s focus on achieving tangible results and success.) I can make referrals which is one free activity that brings me great joy, especially when the referral is a perfect match. I can buy beautiful goods from them on my own without pomp and circumstance. I, also, can simply rsvp no, no explanation required, knowing that believe it or not, their show will go on brilliantly with or without me there.

I will then turn my gratitude to all the Type 7 Enthusiasts who will be there with adorable bells on, buying all the things, supporting these brave talents while I am home celebrating the yin and the yang that makes the world go round.

---

p.s. I like to incorporate the word sometimes into my life rather than take an all or nothing approach. There will sometimes be times when a merry marketplace or a you-name-the-outing feels just right. And I will sometimes say yes. However, having a clearer understanding of the why behind the feels will empower me to say no sometimes, too.

p.p.s. Last week, I wrote about enchantment. Guess what? Holiday bazaars don’t make my list. So I’ll listen to my own advice…

Remembering what makes you feel well will help guide your decision making, create a meaningful holiday season for you and hopefully, a more enjoyable one, as well.