Myself - Who I Am

A reflection on the week.

I woke up early yesterday, exceptionally early, eager to get outside for my walk solely to see the sunrise. I knew what comfort the election day sunrise brought me. I craved that dopamine hit again to assure me the world was going to be okay.

When I reached the best vantage point, I pulled to the side to stretch, take deep breaths and think. No airpods, no phone, just me, sleeping ducks, and the rising sun. Thoughts racing through my mind, my friend passed “Just trying to shake it all off.” Sad to be shaking it off already at 6:15 a.m. but that’s where we were.

I returned home, way less energized by the sunrise, knowing I was in a fragile state. Attempting to be the calming mom, I whipped up the breakfast comfort food - challah french toast. (If you had told me french toast would be my kids regular breakfast at any point over the last 25 years, I would have called you crazy but here we are.)

My kids were asking questions while I hovered over the stove, only for me to turn around with two undercooked pieces of toast and tears streaming down my face, “I’m just so sad. So, so sad.”

Elliott quickly gave me the out, “Don’t worry about breakfast, Mom. We can get ourselves to school.” I retreated to my room briefly, only to return to the kitchen to discuss my feelings.

My kids have seen me cry many, many times. Sometimes my tears make sense and sometimes they don’t even make sense to me (maybe you can relate?). My boys left for school and the waterworks flowed again - taking breaks to take down Halloween bats and cross off only the easiest of to dos. I putzed through the sadness until I was tired of my out of sorts self. I showered, declared no more news and started therapy writing. 

That’s where I was yesterday - shaking it off, working through the tears, feeling helpless. But that’s not where I want to be. I want to be in my hopeful, take action, happier state that comes when I focus on my life principles.

• Lead by example. 

• Be the helper.

• Maintain a strong moral compass. 

• Work hard(er) on inherently believing people are doing their best. 

• Remember even the smallest of actions can lead to a bigger reaction. 

My work starts with me, then my home, my community and beyond. I believe we can all make an enormous difference through the smallest of actions. I know personal fulfillment comes when I take action and maintain a state of hope. While the pangs of sadness and anger may take a while to diminish, my work can start now. This is where I choose to be. Will you join me?

And we will also wage it in quieter ways, in how we live our lives, by treating one another with kindness and respect, by looking in the face of a stranger and seeing a neighbor, by always using our strength to lift people up, to fight for the dignity that all people deserve.

-Kamala Harris